Rank your friends... it's not personal! - Sincerely Sanguine

Rank your friends... it's not personal!

3 minute read

How and if you should prioritize certain people in your life stirs up a vast amount of controversy. A common question is, “if your mom and significant other are approaching the car, who are you going to make sit in the back?” Obviously the car question is extreme, because the obvious answer is to let your S.O drive. Mom sits in the front, and you get out and walk behind the car. That was sarcasm, but at the end of the day, prioritizing the important people in your life is not personal. Sometimes it happens naturally; other times it's necessary. With that being said, who are you prioritizing within your life, and should you rank your friends accordingly?

When I say “rank your friends”, I mean full fledge pyramid/hierarchy style! Adjust your pyramid where you see fit and you don’t even have to tell people about their current placement.

You should ask yourself, how is this person showing up (or not showing up) in my life? Is the relationship "equally yolked”, which is Bible talk, but ultimately, are you both equally pouring into each other?

You often see this pyramid scheme play out in the friend versus best friend arrangement. When someone considers you their best friend, that means that they have ranked you higher than everyone else. Having a best friend is a blessing because that means something about that person makes them stand-out from the rest. Unfortunately, sometimes you might consider someone your best friend, but they merely consider you a friend and in that instance you can either demote them or keep the arrangement as is. Being the best friend of your best friend is ideal, but note that you can also have more than one best friend.

My best friend tagged me in a Tik Tok and the caption was "POV: me hitting my best friend over the head with a bottle at her wedding because she just called a man she just met her best friend." I searched high and low and I couldn't find the video, but see, that's a great example of having more than one best friend.

Learning to prioritize the important people within your life will allow you to adjust your expectations and raise your standards. Often times I would extend  close friends a fair amount grace and support, but the same was never returned. What did I do to correct this problem? I channeled my inner Abby Lee Miller and sent those people to the bottom of the pyramid. The change looked like pulling back, not over extending myself, and prioritizing my needs over theirs. This change didn't happen right away, it took time and a great deal of self-reflection. As the song goes "make new friends and keep the old. One is silver and the other gold." Promoting and demoting your friends is not used as a means to control the people around you or a form of manipulation. You are simply evaluating the people on your team and determining how much or how little you want to give to those people based on their contribution to your life. It's nothing personal! 


Prompts: What do you look for in a friend? (traits, values, -isms, zodiac sign, etc.)

Back to blog

Leave a comment